Devil-Talk-Vase

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil was typing away.
Suddenly a huge blackout filled heaven and hell. When the lights came back on, Jesus picked up right where he left off, but the Devil’s screen was black. Satan says, "How could this happen? I did everything Jesus did!"
Then one person in Hell says, "No, Jesus Saves."
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-Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?
-Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers
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Once on a Friday, two women were sitting and talking. Then one woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand. She said:
-There comes the asshole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.
Her friend promptly replied:
-Don't you have a vase?