Before and after love

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating

Before - Twice a night
After- Twice a month

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After- She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Don't stop
After- Don't start

Before - We agree on everythin
After- Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before- Charming and Noble
After- Chernobyl

Before- Idol
After- Idle

Before- I love a woman with curves
After- I never said you were fat

Before- He's completely lost without me
After- Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before- Time stood still
After- This relationship is going nowhere

Before- You look so seductive in black
After- Your clothes are so depressing

Before- Oysters
After- Fishsticks

Before- I can hardly believe we found each other
After- I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

Before- Passion
After- Ration

Before- Once upon a time
After- The end

Five-25-Win

Two Singh brothers meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."
-"Chickens, eh ?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"
-"Heck" ,says the guy with the bag, "if in case you guess right, I’ll give you both of them."
The other Singh scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"
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A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
-I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, she said.
-What do you mean?
Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'
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It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. So she went to the coke machine and put her money in, and a coke came out, so she kept putting money in it. Since it was a hot day a line had formed behind her. Finally the man behind her said:
-Will you hurry up we're all hot and thirsty!!!
The blonde turned around and said:
-No way. I'm still winning.

Catch-WIFE-High

-What is the difference between a Cricketer and a Condom?
-Cricketer drops the catch, and a Condom catchs the drops.
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Husband ask:
-Do you know meaning of WIFE - Without Information Fighting Everytime !
Wife replies:
-It means - With Idiot For Ever !
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Teacher: George can you count up to 5?
Jimmy: Counts up to 5 slowly using his Fingers
Teacher: Good, now can you count any higher?
Jimmy: Climbs up on his chair and counts five again using his fingers.

Ads

"Four-poster bed, 0 years old. Perfect for antique lover "
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"Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 "
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"Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it "
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"For Sale - Diamonds $20; microscopes $5 "
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"Used Cars - Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! "

Stupid Questions

At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question: -Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: -No it wont. It will just bleed.
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You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question: -Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: -Gosh, it's a miracle...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
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At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question: -Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: -Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here.